Chapter 12: Family Planning

imagesACR5TS2RWe made it! Today was our last day for the workshop. I am posting all the final recordings, and after this the recordings will be tucked under the 7-week workshop links!

I really enjoyed this group, and also the webinar group that hung in there through our technology changes. We were blessed and honored to have each of your participate.

This final chapter on Family Planning put everything we learned into a packaged form, and provided some practical tools to begin to implement realistic steps. The truth is, addiction is a nasty enemy to have to combat. We must first go forward in the strength and power of the Lord. From there, He will lead and guide each of us in how we need to manage our unique situations. Planning is not about controlling, but orchestrating an environment of respect and honor. It also allows for truth to be spoken, and the principles or forgiveness and reconciliation to begin to take root. This is important as it creates the atmosphere where change is allowed, and God can be invited.

Download Notes:

Click here to download this week’s notes

Watch Video/Audio:

Reconciliation: Chapter 11

About the Class: Understanding Wall Building


I was so blessed by the class on Reconciliation and the willingness to invite Jesus into the conversation. The picture of Nehemiah is still breath-taking to me in perceiving our own situations. The site of destruction became the very place where God’s promises were activated. If you haven’t already, I encourage you to read both Chapter 11 as well the book of Nehemiah in the Bible.  As we discussed, God is after reconciliation, but before it can happen in the family, it requires an honest look at the assignment we are personally given.  We were encouraged and edified to focus on the work we need to do, while at the same time understand the agenda of God; which is to bring things back to alignment.


Recordings worked great this week! As did the webinar itself. If you haven’t been following along, I encourage you to try it out. We are able to offer an audio and video recording this time. For the most part we were happy with the technology as it allowed group discussion to be a bit more organized, and we are working individually with anyone who experienced difficulty.


Audio Only:

Download Notes:

Access Chapter 11 notes, click here.

Next week:

Next week will be our last and final class! Besides our technology issues, I do ask that you provide some feedback on how the pace and content has been offered. Some people have suggested that we go a few more weeks for future workshops. We will be looking at Family Planning: this is relevant to a family who is entering into the mode of recovery, but it’s also a road map of what to look towards if you are still dealing with active addiction. I will address signs of relapse, and even what relapse is for that matter. We’ll refer to a helpful chart, and also review the planning and contracts that can be used in this process.

Homework: Read Chapters 12 

Redemption and Change! Chapters 8 and 9

About the Content:

Chapters 8 and 9 contain extremely important information. In fact, the heart of everything comes as we can learn to respond and answer the question “can God do it?” Yes! Yes! Yes! We looked at what actually needs to take place to make a person leave the lifestyle of insanity and enter in the mode of genuine healing and recovery. We focused on the notion of darkness and light, and how connecting to God is connecting a power source. The primary things that God does through a connection is:

1. Reveal truth
2. Reveal who He is (the authentic person)
3. Reveal who we are in Him (Our authentic person)
4. Offer us the opportunity to be cleansed and made whole

This is a life changing perspective, and one you won’t want to bypass. Let’s not allow distractions to take away the truth He wants to reveal.  Chapter 9 also entailed the struggle with change and some of the practical roadblocks that can occur. For families who will be going through addiction recovery, this is going to hit close to home.

Download Notes:

Change and Adjustments Chapters 8 and 9


I am including a recording that was re-taped. This does not reflect the new software or size, but it will get the job done! Please e-mail me with any questions.

Next week:

We are diving into some amazing truths. Chapter 10 we will not cover deeply as it is included in the following workshop in detail. But we do want to introduce the concept of how and why a family member needs recovery. Chapter 11 will begin to instill how the family itself can begin to heal and reconnect. Remember, construction sites are messy, and things sometimes seemingly get worse before they get better. Whatever you do, don’t lose heart. God is a master builder. And if you do nothing else but trust Him, you can’t lose. No guarantees someone else will change, but there is a strong guarantee that He can help you.

Homework: Read Chapters 10 and 11 and respond to any questions.

Chapter 7: Intervention


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Next Live Webinar:

Tuesday, September 30th at 10:30 am

Topic: Chapter 8 and 9: Redemption & Adjusting to Change

Quick Webinar Access:

Audio Recording Only

Due to technical and lengthy class recording, we are only offering an audio. We recommend that anyone who missed this class take the time to review this important lesson!

Click here to download notes

The concept of intervention, boundaries and grace can be baffling. How can God engage in our brokenness and begin to dismantle the wrongful mentalities, while loving and embracing who we are? He does it through setting the motion of redemption in place. Today we looked at key principles relevant to family members struggling with an addict in their life. We began to break down spiritual and practical remedies, understanding that above all God rules and reigns through the relational style of freedom. Freedom means people have the right to make bad choices. But it doesn’t mean we have to be willing to stand next to them and allow those choices to continue to sabotage our experience. Learning how to help, how to not help, when to take action and when to release is a difficult process to understand. We also learned that we need to receive God’s intervention into our lives personally in order to begin to comprehend the ability to use this approach with others.


Do you see an area in your relationship that requires intervention? Can you recognize any styles in your current handling of someone’s bad behavior that may need to be adjusted? How has God dealt with you in your own crisis? Have you ever received His intervention? Do you need intervention personally just to be able to learn how to manage the crisis you are facing with His perspective?

To encourage:

God just needs to be invited and allowed: once He is, He takes responsibility for everything. He will lead and guide you into truth. Your task isn’t in what you do, but in how you relate to Him. What a relief! God can be in control if and only if you authorize Him to be.

Next week: 

Please read Chapters 8 and 9 and begin to answer the questions and prepare to apply to them to your own life circumstances.

Next live webinar: Tuesday, September 30th at 10:30 am (Pacific)

Families in Addiction – Chapters 5 & 6

Recording from 9/16/2014: Families in Addiction

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To listen to audio only


Click here to download notes

Today we looked at some of the difficulties related to the family’s method of adaptation and survival when under the influence of an addictive dynamic. What we learned revolved around the reality that the family is by default affected, and therefore learns a variety of ways to cope. While these survival techniques are understandable, they are also very toxic. They can imprint faulty messages and beliefs into the family members lives that can cause life-long pain and struggles.

For family members to recognize and relate to the difficulty of a family system that contains a faulty centering point, there is hope. We were reminded once again that we must be willing to gain the perspective of Jesus at the site of our storms. We must begin to declare that He is bigger, He is able, He is worthy. Many times, families give up and leave before an authentic solution can be brought. They succumb to the overwhelming circumstances and feel unable to face or look at what is happening underneath the “rubble.” But the question must be asked: is Jesus enough? Can He fix what is sabotaged or broken?

By looking and assessing our own storm, we may feel overwhelmed. But when we become willing to create the atmosphere of redemption, we can be assured that Jesus will respond.


—Honesty is the first step in securing an environment where God can work. Are you willing to do the assessment process? What holds you back? What do you fear in facing the site of the storm? Can you relate to adaptive role playing? Why do you think you did that? If you did it, can you understand the reasons?

To encourage:

Wherever we are in our journey, God stands ready to meet us. He loves enough to accept everything about us and our circumstances as it is; but He loves us too much to let us exist in the mode of survival. When your heart has been broken, finding hope can feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. But hope is the driving force that will allow us to move away from the destruction and despair of circumstance, and into the redemptive reality of who God is. Don’t lose hope. He said in His word that in this life we would have tribulation, but to be of good cheer, He HAS overcome. Do you believe that? 

Facing Addiction: Body, Soul & Spirit

View Webinar video (this is a recorded webinar, not a traditional video format). 

To listen to audio only


Click here to download notes

Today we looked at the reality of addiction, and how it manifests and affects both the addict and those who are caught in its destructive path. We were challenged to look at addiction through the perspective of Jesus, rather than reduce both the cause and solution to the mindset of the culture. By doing so, we are already moving towards hope! We are bringing the resources of God into our situations. We are being willing to face the “giant” of addiction and properly diagnose both its influence and the ways it can be seized. To accomplish this task, we looked at addiction through three parts: body, soul and spirit. This helped us put addiction in the proper perspective.

Speaking of giants, Goliath was by all practical circumstances far more powerful than David. David didn’t wrap his hope and strength upon personal power; He recognized that if God was on His side, He possessed the intervention resources of the Living God to work on His behalf. In many ways, we are going to need to first face the “giant” of addiction. We are going to need be courageous enough to see its reality. In doing so, we are seeking a remedy to fight “it”, not the person struggling with it. The truth is, addiction is awful and needs to be dealt with like any ferocious foe. However, people are not their addiction. Thus in order to start embarking on this journey, let’s ask ourselves: do I understand the difference between who a person is at a core, versus what they do when manifesting the behaviors of addiction?

Our challenge and mandate is to love the addict, but hate addiction.


—War can be brutal. There are opportunities to defeat the enemy, and there are opportunities to be hurt.  Risks are involved. And outcomes are not guaranteed. Do you want to engage in the war using God’s weapons?

—Are you prepared to surrender the methods you have used to combat addiction in trade-off for God’s point of view? What do you fear the most?

—How big is your God today?

To encourage:

Yes, addiction is fierce, nasty and overwhelming. But God is more fierce with a pure, holy affection for the entire family’s well being.  And He is on the Winning Team. Right now, transferring to His system is the most important role you have. Focus on meditating on Him, believing He reigns over it and allowing Him to be placed in charge.

Families in Addiction: Week 1 – Introduction

Sad Teenage Girl

The hurt. The pain. The crisis. Today we talked about the reality of addiction, while framing it with the hope we have that God really is above our cultural and personal interpretation of it. Most people enter in this process broken, hurt and angry. They don’t know the “why” of addiction. They don’t  know the “how” to deal with it either. We spent today challenging our understanding and preparing our hearts to be willing to receive a different perspective and the hope that God can intervene.

Workshop recording:

Unfortunately, our recording did not work for a few different technical reasons. The system will be up and running from here on out, so be sure to check each week for the recording!


Week one notes, click here

Class syllabus, click here


Please read Chapters 1-4. Next week we will discuss in detail the nature of addiction including it roots and drive in the body, soul and spirit. It’s an important and foundational class needed to facilitate the conversation of this entire process.

Next live webinar:

Tuesday, September 9th at 10:30 (Pacific coast). Subject: Understanding Addiction: Body, Soul & Spirit.


This link will bring you to the webinar. You have the option to choose the audio on your computer/device or just on your phone)

No registration necessary. You will be asked to provide name and e-mail to attend. Webinar will be activated 15 minutes prior to workshop beginning. You can access this meeting from any device.

Phone Conference Dial Number:

(You can use either your computer or phone to access the audio of this webinar)


Attendee code:
560 1227# (to use phone or use phone for audio)